This morning I arrived at my dentist's office for a routine cleaning. All seemed normal, but as I lay back in the chair I soon found myself immersed in unspeakable terror. For my doctor had installed a small television mounted in the corner of his office. It was turned to "The View", and with my mouth filled with dental instruments, I could do nothing about it.
My hands unconsciously applied a death grip to the chair's armrests as I vainly fought to block out the horror by focusing my mind on the relatively pleasant whir of the drill. After a time, this technique began to take hold and provide a modicum of relief when, just at the edge of my hearing, I faintly perceived Joy Behar introduce their guest - Barbara Boxer.
In unbearable agony, I longed for death's sweet release but it did not come. Finally, moments from falling into an inescapable pit of utter despair and madness, I was pulled from the precipice by the commonest of all of Man's creations - a simple commercial break.
And that is why I love Capitalism.